Do cats love us and do they know that we love them?

Some people will say that cats do not have emotions like humans. I say they do, maybe not as advanced or as sophisticated as human emotions, but I think they do.

But love? 

Love means having the ability to make sacrifices for the loved one. Do cats do this? If cats do love us, it would mean they are self-aware. Animals act on instinct, especially when it comes to self preservation, and they would have to rise above that instinct to really love as we understand the term. I know that dogs have done this. But cats? Maybe.


I do think cats love us in the sense that they can be loyal, affectionate, jealous, and sometimes even protective. I know of cats attacking burglars, waking their owners in the middle of the night when the house was on fire, moving their kittens out of harm’s way, etc. But I think this is the exception rather than the rule. 

Would my wonderful fur-babies rescue me? I don't know. They gently pat and touch my face in the early morning hours to wake me for their breakfast. Would they do that if the house was on fire? I'd like to think so. 


Cats do love us in their own limited way, I think they love their owners inasmuch as they are capable. I do believe that they know we love them. I'm pretty sure of that--to the extent that they understand it; i.e., trust, security, affection, food, warmth, and so on.

Still, the animal kingdom continually amazes me: The bird flying to his mate's side after being hit by a car, dogs and cats nursing fur-babies of another species, elephants recognizing each other after 20 years absence, Koko's devotion to her kitten, and the sadness and grief she exhibited after the kitten was tragically hit by a car. And how about whales and dolphins saving drowning victims? It makes one ponder what it means to love. 

So do our pets love us? Yes, I think they do--in their own way. Do they know we love them? Of course.

Of this I am certain: They know us better than we know ourselves. I know my Nellie, Littlebit, Tigger, Tootsie, and Lucy all love me. I know my wonderful mare, Beauty, loves me. I know because I love them and I would never, ever hurt them. They know that. They trust me. They come when I call them. I feed and provide a home for them. They seek me out for affection. 

Here's another thing I know for sure: If you want an animal to fear you, abuse it. If you want an animal to trust you, take care of it, love it and keep it safe. There is no greater satisfaction than loving an animal that loves you back

Balance

A friend said that I needed to exercise more 'balance,' in my life, which is what this blog is about. I thought about it. I've made sure to include rest (check), fun activities (check), spiritual (check), balanced diet (check), friends/family quality time (check)...so what gives? Why do I feel so stressed out?

Let's just say that you can live a BALANCED life if all elements are equal. Let any ONE of those things get out of balance and guess what? Does life compensate for loss? Sometimes it does, but most of the time it does not. Loss is, well, loss. Gone. With the wind. Hubby lost his business in the recession and our income has not been the same, yet our outgo seems to remain as it was. WHO is going to balance that and/or HOW?

I understand the 'easy' fixes... the things people say to 'make it all better,' the platitudes repeated by well-meaning people who don't really have an answer or a solution to their own problems, let alone yours or mine. But platitudes and good tidings just don't work for some folks who are still struggling and have little to look forward to except maybe being able to BALANCE the bottom line at some point in the future.

I am beyond working a full time job. I have always been a very generous person (so has hubby), but we are both beyond being able to help out friends and family like we used to. I have to face it. I'm a senior citizen who is trying to BALANCE everything economically and still trying to enjoy life without being a burden on others.

I am, however, very thankful for many things. As I write this, everyone in the family is basically healthy (so far), we are still planning our camping trip, and we can meet most of our expenses. We have to juggle a bit, but we're still eating healthy. I just wish we could return to the 'old' days before the recession brought us to our knees.

So, maintaining some kind of BALANCE is a little dicey these days. I make sure the absolutes are covered, but hey, I've reached the age of eligibility for SSI, which will kick in soon.

They say life is hard and then you die. Geez. At this age I already know that life is hard...but it has also been fun, fulfilling, awesome, exciting, and then some. I just wish that the recession would go away. Better yet, that I could win the lottery. Now THAT would really balance the scales, wouldn't it?

Special Days

Greg and Russ (about 1979)

Yesterday was a special day--Mother's Day. It is the one day set aside every year to honor and remember our mothers. Everyone has a mother, but not everyone can be or is a mother. 

Giving birth does not grant a woman the right to be called 'Mother,' either. It is a biological process that is necessary to propagate the species. We all get here because of our parents. Birth is merely a vehicle.

That said, there is more to being a mother than just giving birth. The urge to nest is very strong in most women. Women are nurturers and homemakers. Their biological role is to ensure that children brought into the world will survive, and survival requires certain things. In ancient times, women sought stability--a supply of food and protection against the elements and invading enemies. Women cannot hunt and rear children at the same time (we're talking ancient times here), so they relied on the men to do the dangerous job of hunting while they sowed the corn and tended the fires and raised the children.

Until the mid-Sixties, women basically kept and managed the home, cooked, cleaned, and raised the children. But their day did not stop just because the clock struck 5 p.m. Never mind the fact that they had already put in a full day, they still had lots of work to do before being able to 'call it a day' and run off to their Calgon baths. Motherhood was a sun-up to sun-down job. Few husbands actually helped out around the house, either, because that was 'women's work.' Their jobs usually ended at 5 o'clock.

So women began to prepare themselves for jobs and careers. The timing was good, too, because in the early Seventies, we had rampant inflation, long lines at the gas stations, and high unemployment. Whether we women wanted to or not, many of us went to work--not just to have our own careers, but many of us had  to help out financially at home. Of course, this caused some major shifts in the family unit. Men felt emasculated because they were no longer the 'breadwinners,' and 'latchkey' children often came home from school to an empty house and no cookies and milk on the table. Carefully planned and prepared dinners morphed into take-out from McDonald's or came out of a box, like  Hamburger Helper. Believe me, I know. I was there.

As a young woman, I was very idealistic. I wanted the 'traditional' values of home and family, while at the same time I also wanted a career as a journalist or history teacher. The Women's Movement was touting we 'could have it and do it all' and I believed it. I wanted to go to school, but I got married thinking I would always have time to pursue a career. So I put college on hold in favor of starting a family. It was very soon after that when the proverbial sh*t hit the fan and the decision to go to work was made for me. I had to leave my child at home in the care of others. (There are some BAD memories here).

It tore me apart.

I was fortunate in one area, though. I was fairly well educated and a fast typist. I rose up the ranks of my clerical job. I had to. By that time, my husband was unemployed but attending junior college. Someone had to 'bring home the bacon,' so I thought, "Okay, as long as he is pursuing an education, then better times are ahead."

Wrong. My husband dropped out of school.

Through my uncle, who was an ironworker, my husband got a union job in San Leandro. We moved to the Bay Area and things were good for a while and hope for the future was restored. I had my second child. Soon after that (1972), the bottom fell out and my husband was laid off. We moved back to Sacramento. He was unemployed for a total of five years. I was still expected to bring in a paycheck to support the family, so I went back to work while also attending college (I inherited the G.I. Education Bill due to my father's death in Korea, which brought in a few more bucks).

Motherhood is not always what it's cracked up to be, whether it's by choice or not. Betty White recently said in her memoir "If You Ask Me" that she knew she couldn't be a mother and have a career too, so she opted out of motherhood in favor of her career. Bravo! Some of us didn't have that choice--we were forced to make decisions that forever changed us. For me, it was tough economic times and a lazy husband that launched me into the workforce. I guess I just made the wrong choice in husbands.

I never got to be a journalist or a history teacher. Although I went to college, I never finished. I had more important things to do, like work full time to keep a roof over our heads. There's a lot more to this story, but suffice it to say that my husband put us all in jeopardy by raising cannabis in the front yard of our home. We lived in a rural area with lots of vegetation and even I overlooked it. But this was only ONE of the bones of contention that tore our family apart. Although I could have picked a better spouse (I'm not very good in that department!), I couldn't have had two more beautiful sons--and they are worth every sacrifice I made to have them.

With that in mind, Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I miss you terribly. You always calmed my troubled waters, were always there to encourage and inspire me, and always gave great advice. I miss your stories, your smile, and your laugh, and I think about you every day.

There's still a lot of life in this ol' girl. I'm 62 today and thinking about the rest of my life. I still have a few options. School might be one of them. We'll see.

Focusing on the Positive

It’s been a long time since I posted—sorry ‘bout that. Suffice it to say that I’ve been busy, like everyone else, with the holidays and such. I just ‘crashed’ in January, trying to get my feet back under me. However, new health issues cropped up (nothing too serious) and all I can say is that it’s not fun getting old. Besides that, my ‘golden’ years have turned to tin, what with the economy and all, but I guess that’s true for just about everyone, my age or not.

I’m coping, though.

Putting on a smile and adopting a positive attitude helps. Helping others helps. Being a friend when things aren’t so rosy is much better than a ‘fair weather’ friend who only turns up when things are going great. In this day and age, it is important to be positive and to surround yourself with positive people—people who support you in whatever you do.

That’s why I love my writers’ group, the Writers Resource Center. It’s full of great, upbeat, positive folks who just love to write. We support each other, too, whatever the genre. We’ve got poets, non-fiction writers, fiction novelists, children’s book writers, people who write romances, memoirs, and inspirational books.

The WRC started in 2003. I am one of the charter members. I became the VP early on, assisting Janie Bess, our founder and president, in getting the organization going. Eight years later, I'm still on the Board (as Secretary) and we now have about a dozen published authors (including me)!

We meet on the 2nd Saturday of every month, except for July and December. We figure folks are pretty busy around those months with vacations and holidays and all.

Yesterday I was responsible for holding the monthly meeting. According to everyone's feedback, it was one of the best. The subject? Well, I called it Basic Training (a sort of writing ‘boot camp) and geared for beginning writers. I helped the participants identify their strengths as writers, covered a few of the big writing pitfalls, a little grammar (including active vs. passive writing and adverb abuse), and the difference between "telling" and "showing"—a biggee for writers of all genres and categories. Through a few well selected exercises, I helped them take their writing from flat and lifeless (telling) to better ("showing" using active verbs), to glorious (by learning how to use verbs with more impact). It was fun for me and, I think, fun for them, too.

Too bad we only had 12 or so people. But, hey, that’s okay. I plan on giving another class in the fall, maybe something a little more advanced. Afterwards, we held another meeting on organizing a marketing cooperative. Marketing our books is expensive and time consuming. We talked about pooling our resources and our time and how we could make our marketing dollars go a LOT farther. Who came up with this idea? Me. Who do they want to run it? Me.

Geez. I’m already on the Board and committed to 2 meetings per month (regular and Board), but to chair the Marketing Committee, too? Mmmm. I don’t know. Maybe for a little while, but I’m already busier than a one-armed paper hanger!

The point I’m trying to make here is that everyone needs help these days. Don’t ever think for a second that everyone is doing hunky-dory. We all need to hear the ‘kudos’ and ‘great job’ and ‘you’re gonna get there, just keep doing what you’re doing.’

Everyone needs a cheerleader.

I have friends who are losing their homes, losing their jobs, running out of their unemployment benefits, or are suffering through major health issues. The dollar continues to decline and is worth less than ever before. Fuel and food and utilities are gonna go up in price . . . some say 20% while others say much more. Yikes!

I could easily focus on all the bad stuff and get depressed, but why? Some famous (or infamous) new-age philosopher said it best: It is what it is.

Some things I have control over and some I don’t. So, for now, I choose to focus on the positive and count my blessings.

So I can’t complain. I’ll cope with whatever comes up, but in the meantime, I’m gonna try to enjoy my life as much as possible and concentrate on the things I can control.

Even though life throws a curve . . . even though it can, indeed, be shitty, be happy anyway. Smile anyway. Look for the silver lining. It doesn’t hurt. Even though a smile is a small thing, it is powerful--it helps uplift you and everyone around you. So, if you can help others in any way, do it! Don’t give in to commiseration, complaining, and nay-saying. Stay positive. Give others whatever emotional support you can, even if it’s just a smile and a kind word.